You are a Giant
Imagine for a second what the world looks like through your child’s eyes. To them, the person who meets their every need is two or three times their size. You are a literal giant.
Over 50 years as a teacher, and 70 years of life this is what I’ve come across.
- What if the giant is constantly yelling or using harsh words?
- What if the giant uses physical pain from the giant’s hand or a belt?
- What if the giant constantly criticizes, threatens, or uses shame as a tool?
- What if the giant’s life is chaotic, impulsive, and totally unpredictable removing a child’s sense of security and safety?
- What if the giant doesn’t feed them, soothe them when they’re scared, or get them medical care?
- What if the giant exposes a child to violent media, substance abuse, unsafe environments, or aggressive behavior in the home?
- What if the giant continually tells a child they aren’t smart enough or capable enough to succeed?
- What if the giant instills a mindset of fear that there is nowhere safe for the child in their home or the world outside.
- Telling a child there are people who will try to stop them from achieving their goals without telling them how to overcome them. There is always a way!
A single traumatic experience can have long-lasting and neurological, physical and psychological changes in a child. Their sense of safety. Their feeling of value influences how the child sees the world, and how they react to it. It forms who they are, and how they will act and react their entire lives.
Consistent and long-term trauma can destroy a child’s entire life and their ability to be successful and healthy adults if they do not receive the support they need as children.
Some researchers say that every child experiences some form of trauma in their lifetime, maybe. No parent, teacher, or coach is going to be perfect. For a toddler just getting the wrong color cup can cause a major breakdown.
What matters is what you do if something does happen. Sometimes, there are legal consequences if it becomes classified as abuse or neglect.
Children have Deep Feelings
Never dismiss a child’s experience by saying, “Oh, they are young, they will forget about it.” Over time a very young child may forget the action, but they will never forget how the giant made them feel. Children have deep feelings and can have broken hearts over things a giant would consider not important. Never tell a child to just get over it. Help them learn how to manage the small stuff, so if something big comes along they have tools to help them through it.
You can Make a Difference
Give them the mentoring and support on how to navigate the situations that will undoubtedly come their way. The confidence to know that no matter what challenges arise they can get through it. Through persistence, determination and a plan.
It’s a heavy picture to paint, but it’s a vital one to look at. A child’s sense of safety and self-worth forms the lens through which they see the entire world. When that world is filled with consistent trauma, it can fundamentally alter a child’s neurological development, physical health, and emotional well-being. Without the right support, it can derail their entire adult life.
The Power of a Secure Foundation
To grow up healthy and whole, children need the giants in their lives to be their ultimate protectors and guides. They need us to do the hard work of pulling ourselves together so we can provide a secure foundation.
Our job is to put their welfare first, mentoring them through life’s inevitable challenges. We need to give them the confidence to know that no matter what happens, they can get through it with persistence and a plan.
More than anything, they need to know: “You are not alone. I am your giant, and I am walking with you.”
What 7 Decades of Working with Kids Has Taught Me
After seventy years of working with thousands of children from every family dynamic imaginable, a few universal truths have come to light:
- A Solid Root System: Children raised with a predictable, loving foundation are far better equipped to learn, get along with others, and handle life’s ups and downs.
- The Power of Healing: Children who have experienced trauma can heal and thrive in school, careers, and future relationships. But only if they are supported by a network of caring adults. While the echoes of trauma may follow them, there is always immense hope when a foundation of support is present.
Why the Early Years Matter Most
This message is close to my heart, especially for those raising little ones between the ages of birth to 8 years old. These years are crucial. If a secure foundation isn’t established by age 8 or 9, reversing the emotional and neurological damage becomes much harder. It’s not impossible, and we should never stop trying. But starting early is key.
Parenting and Care Giving can be Stressful
If you are reading this and thinking, “But you don’t know what I’m going through,” or “What about my circumstances?” I hear you. Parenting and Care Giving can be incredibly stressful. No one is promised an easy life. Everyone has challenges. Ultimately your interactions with a child are under your control, even if outside circumstances are difficult.
Please remember: You are the giant. Your child has no power to change their circumstances. Only you do.
Taking care of your children means doing the intentional, necessary work of taking care of yourself and addressing your own struggles. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being safe. Let’s step up, do the work, and be the safe giants our children deserve.